Bad Tug Drivers

Planes move really fast and dexterously when they're in the air. They're not so hot on the ground. In fact, the wheels don't really do anything; when a plane moves on the ramp, it's the engines that blow it along. And since the engines don't go backwards, planes are kind of up a creek when they park right in front of something. For this quandary, there is such a thing as a tug. For those of you who have never seen a tug, it's a lot like a seventeen-foot tacklebox with wheels and a yoke on the front of it. They jam the yoke against the front landing gear, and when it's time to go, they just push the plane back far enough so that it can go somewhere under its own steam. In this way, a tug is the most inaptly named contraption I can think of.
They look fun to drive. I imagine you'd have to be a pretty good driver to smoothly push a several-million ton plane backwards without wrecking it. But, of course, airports often feature the other kind of driver, which is what we're going to talk about here. A mediocre tug driver can make make you glad you fastened your seat belt; a bad one can slap your face against the seat in front of you. You have to make it through the initial smash as the driver slams the yoke tight against the wheel, and then several more minor seismic events as he experiments to find out which is the brake and which is the gas. You've heard that joke about Ginger Rogers? About how she had to do everything Fred Astaire did backwards and in heels? Well, I have to do everything a passenger does backwards and standing up. Normally that's no problem, but when you get one of these jackheels driving, it baps the back of your head against the galley wall every time they zoom forward. And it always always ALWAYS happens when you're making an announcement:

ME: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board--
TUG: ZOOM.
HEAD: BAP.
ME: ... uh, with service to, uh...
TUG: ZOOM.
HEAD: BAP.
ME: ... member, eveybuddy, put on--
TUG: ZOOM.
HEAD: BAP.
ME: ... seet balt...

And there's nothing you can do. You just have to stand there steadily losing IQ points until the tug is finished or you pass out because your brain is showing. So far, I've survived. But if I ever develop a bald spot, I'm blaming it on those drivers.